


your love is my turning page

by pepi_peachnbeans



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Dubious Consent, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, NOT JINYOUNG OR JAEBUM, Period-Typical Homophobia, Slow Burn, Soccer, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Teacher-Student Relationship, teen! jaebum, teen! jinyoung
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-09-18 13:49:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16996185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepi_peachnbeans/pseuds/pepi_peachnbeans
Summary: for jinyoung, jaebum is the bridge of what is and what can be. he is jinyoung's turning page and his every touch is a redefining phrase.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> title/description is turning page - sleeping at last 
> 
> hi i just want to reinforce that the age gap/teacher student is NOT jaebum and jinyoung, it is jinyoung and an oc. another thing non-consent will be talked, referenced, and shown (though not graphic) in this fic because it can not be avoided within this story. this + the tags and archive warnings, are warnings that this sensitive topic will be addressed

Jinyoung doesn't really know how he ended up with such annoying friends. Okay, that first part is a lie, he actually does know how he ended up with them, he just doesn't get why he became friends with these two. On the best of days, the two of them are total shitheads to Jinyoung. Kind of like how they are being right now. He still keeps them around though, by always turning his nose up and saying that they need to have him around for their own good.

The way that they had met though, was just as dysfunctional as their friendship is.

It had been several years ago, when Jinyoung was in the eighth grade, and the two of them were in seventh grade, and the both of them were trying out for their middle schools soccer team, as seventh grade is the first year that students are allowed to play sports through the school system. And so, the middle school coach at the time, a man named Mr. Rodriguez, had the seventh graders who were trying out to face the eighth grade team.

Now, usually Jinyoung was the one who played goalie, it was one of his best spots, but Mr. Rodriguez had Kim Namjoon playing goalie, and it wasn't as if Jinyoung was going to complain about it. He did love to play offense and defense every one and a while. But he also was rather self aware of his tendency to always go all out, never one to half ass anything, and was also known for getting border line violent. It was something that his parents, previous coaches, the school, team mates, and even officials have all talked to him about. Not that that really changed anything. He was on defense this time however, and the ball was coming their way, in attempt to get into the goal, and he got the ball from one of the players, kicking it away, attempting to get it to the other side. He did manage to do that, however as the ball was flying through the air, it managed to hit one of the seventh graders straight in the face, causing him to crumble to the ground upon impact.

Jinyoung had been the first to run over, mildly concerned about the extremely thin boy who's face he had just smashed with a ball, and then seconds later there was another seventh grader, who was already taller than Jinyoung is, and who was laughing like a mad man at the entire scene as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

Giving the laughing kid a strange look, he turned to the boy that was still on the ground, "Hey, are you alright? I'm sorry for hitting you."

"My face," he groaned. "I will not let you live if you ruined my face. It hurts," he whined before looking up at the other kid, who's laughter was finally starting to die down. "Gyeom, is it bad?"

Jinyoung turned to the laughing boy- Gyeom, who looked at the kid on the ground and started laughing again. Upon seeing the boys face, Jinyoung cringed at the sight. A bruise was already beginning to form, on top of him having a busted lip. "Here," he offered his hand to help the boy up. "I'll take you to the nurses office, and you can come too." he told the friend, standing close to him as they began walking off the field where the game had stopped for their benefit.

"Park, are you taking him to the nurses office?" Mr. Rodriguez yelled out the question from across the field from where he had his clipboard out and was scribbling things down, while glancing at the game that had resumed.

Raising his thumbs up so that the coach could see, Jinyoung yelled back, "Yeah!"

The three of them entered the building, and Jinyoung immediately deflated and relaxed, glad to finally being out of the humid outside, and now in the air conditioned building. Sighing, he stretched out his arms over his head as the other two silently followed him to the nurses office.

The nurse, Mrs. Groulx, who is a rather old woman, was sitting down and took one look at them, and began shaking her hair and tsking. "Take a seat dear," she held his shoulders and lead him to the little bed they had. "Let me go get some ice packs."

She walked off, and Jinyoung turned to look at the kid again who was now fiddling with his hands. "I'm Park Jinyoung by the way."

"I'm BamBam," the kid he hit introduced himself, and Jinyoung raised his eyebrows at the odd name, but didn't bother to further ask about it. He assumed it had something to do with culture, since he was fairly sure that the boy was from Asia- but not eastern Asia. "And that's Yugyeom."

The rest of the visit was quiet, and frankly, just a bit awkward. Jinyoung didn't really think that he was going to see either one of them again, at least, not regularly. He assumed soccer overlaps and occasionally in the hallways during passing time. But the very next day at lunch, where Jinyoung had always sat alone, the two of them came and plopped right across from him.

Raising his eyebrows, he watched the two of them as they sat down. BamBam kept a strong face as he turned his chin up confidently, "We had nowhere else to sit, and you owe me for ruining my face."

His face wasn't ruined, just momentarily bruised, but Jinyoung didn't say anything to oppose his declaration. Maybe he really was just lonely.

Either way, that had ended up becoming a daily occurrence after that, and within that time, the three of them slowly began to become friends.

Which was what lead Jinyoung to where he is currently at right now, Yugyeom and BamBam sitting across from him, "You keep looking over at the table behind us, why are you looking at that table?"

Yugyeom shook his head with a grin on his face sounding as smug as ever, "Because that is where Jackson is sitting. Isn't it?"

"Come on," BamBam prompted. "Isn't going to his games enough? Now you're staring at him blatantly."

"I am not!" Jinyoung protested as he sat back. "I was just thinking, that's all, and so happened to be zoning out in while looking in that direction since it is directly in front of me. Maybe you should stop projecting on to me."

That was enough to stir a reaction out of BamBam who leaned inwards, "I am not projecting on to you."

Picking up a piece of chocolate chip that fell out of his granola bar, he tossed it at BamBam. "Yeah okay."

The second that the lettuce hit his arm, BamBam looked down at it scandalized and started screeching like an utter animal at it causing some people to turn it stare. It took until Yugyeom flicked him, and picked up the fallen chocolate chip and toss it on the ground out of sight to get him to stop. "Children, can we not act like Kindergartners for just a few minutes please?"

Scoffing, Jinyoung shook his head because if _anyone_ here acted like Kindergartners, it was BamBam and Yugyeom, not him.

"You're no fun when you act like Jinyoung," BamBam pouted as he began piling all of the trash up onto the tray he had grabbed, knowing that the bell was about to ring for first hour.

"Yeah whatever," Jinyoung rolled his eyes as he watched BamBam get up and head to the trashed, Yugyeom following him. "You both love me and you know it."

The bell finally rang, and Jinyoung sighed as he dumped his trash into the garbage cans. So, maybe they weren't that far off and he actually was looking at Jackson Wang, but so what? Was there really an issue with that? Except, there was, and he knew very well that there was, and it's been just the thing that he has been avoiding for weeks now, but still have been unable to really get the thoughts out of his head, nevertheless even speaking the words.

That was until last Friday night, after the football game, when he looked himself in the mirror that is in his bedroom and said those two words out loud, and proceeded to have a break down after that. Though, it didn't last long, because his mother banged on his door to remind him to go to bed early because they had things to do in the morning.

It was annoying him, that he was thinking about it so much, even when he didn't want to, on top of the fact that it was beginning to effect him. Like he was barely paying attention anymore, he hardly paid any attention at all during his classes today, and now here he was in sixth hour, fidgeting and drumming his fingers against the side of his desk in a way that he knows is bugging his desk partner, Izzy. She keeps giving him these short little glances of pure annoyance ever few seconds, and at some point even ended up rolling her eyes. But he couldn't help it though, because he nerves are completely shot, far more than he has ever felt in his entire life. Right now, it made exams, and even major soccer games seem easy, and this shouldn't even be such a big deal.

But it _is_ a big deal, and Jinyoung is well aware of that too. He knows that this is something huge, something that isn't normal, or at least, isn't seen as normal. Glancing from the wall that he was staring at for who knows how long now, he looked at his teacher, who also just so happened to be the varsity soccer coach, Mr. Kim, who was still going on a lecture about something that Jinyoung had missed because he was too wrapped up in his thoughts. Really, Jinyoung wanted to be engaged and interested, as science is one of his favorite subjects, but he just couldn't bring himself to focus.

Maybe he could talk to Mr. Kim about it. Out of all of the teacher, Mr. Kim is his absolute favorite, and has been ever since freshman year. Not only is he the soccer coach, in which Jinyoung made varsity in freshman year, but he was also the teacher for several science classes, and he just overall seemed to get Jinyoung. They would talk often, at soccer, and after school, about a variety of things. And Jinyoung was also aware that he had both BamBam and Yugyeom to talk to about it, but he also knew that the two of them would have a lot of questions, and maybe it would just be better to talk to a trusted _adult_. There was also the schools counselors, but Jinyoung didn't really know his that well, plus there was the long waiting period.

With a glance at the clock in the corner of the room, and with his mind made up, he decided that after class he is going to talk to Mr. Kim about it.

When the bell rung, Jinyoung stayed back in his seat, watching the chattering students as they gathered up their things to go home since it is sixth hour after all. Once everyone was cleared out, he  brought his binder and notebooks closer, and dropped them off at the nearest desk as he sheepishly walked up to the teachers desk where Mr. Kim was sitting.

He smiled up at him, with a clear concern on his face, "Jinyoung, are you alright? You seemed rather out of it during class, you usually are always taking notes and are engaged."

Blinking, Jinyoung realized then that he didn't take any notes at all, and now that meant that he was going to have to bother Namjoon to copy off of his. And how was he going to be able to explain why he wasn't paying attention today? He supposes that he could always come up with a lie. "I know, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Mr. Kim waved his hand. "I'm not worried about the school work, you're my best student Jinyoung. I'm more worried about you, what's going on?"

And before Jinyoung could even think of anything intelligent to say, or to even try explaining it, he was just blurting out, "I'm gay." Instantly, his eyes widened as he began to back track. "At least, I think I am... gay that is. I don't really know."

He thought back to the last couple of years. He always dragged both BamBam and Yugyeom to a variety of school events, to basketball games (though he only ever went to watch a boy a grade above him- Mark Tuan) or to football games (and that was where he would watch Jackson Wang), Jinyoung drags them to choir concerts just to see Choi Youngjae sing solos (which he always got one, because undoubtedly he is the best) and hell, he would even sometimes hang out in the art hallways after school to catch glimpses of Im Jaebum dancing. And so- maybe he definitely wasn't straight, and maybe he definitely had a type for going after the other Asians in the school.

But, just because he watches all of these extremely attractive males play sports, or do other things, and enjoyed it a bit more than he probably should, and just because he has been questioning his sexuality lately, doesn't mean that he is into guys.

Except... that it does.

Mr. Kim was silent as he watched Jinyoung, and the silence only made Jinyoung begin to fidget more. Maybe he should have just been silent about it, he knew that a lot of people still weren't accepting of gay people. "Or you know, actually I'm not. Never mind Mr. Kim, don't listen to me. Sorry for wasting your time."

 

Just when he went to back away, Mr. Kim stopped him, "Wait no Jinyoung. It's okay to be questioning things at this age. And if you're gay, that's okay."

And  Jinyoung didn't realize just how much he needed to hear those words from somebody, that it is okay. "Sometimes I feel like it isn't."

"I know," Mr. Kim nodded. "I know it isn't easy. But you know that you can always talk to me, right?"

Jinyoung nodded, "Yes, thank you."

After that, Mr. Kim sat up straight, "Alright, good. Go hang out with your friends and catch up on the work, and try not to stress over it alright? See you at practice."

Grinning, Jinyoung picked up his notebooks and binder, "See you at practice!"

 

Wandering out to his locker, Jinyoung looked up at one of the digital clocks to check the time, it was two twenty. He still had the better of two hours to piss off until practice actually starts. He supposed that he could go get the notes that he missed from Namjoon, knowing very well that the boy would be in the library, doing work as he too waited for practice to start.

His locker was several hallways away from the library, and by the time he walked in, sure enough, there was Namjoon sitting at one of the tables that was tucked away in the back corner of the room, a calculus book out in front of him, as well as a calculator, while he scribbled things down at such a fast pace.

Walking up, he dumped his bag on the floor and sat down in the chair across from him, pulling his own notebook out. Namjoon hadn't even bothered to look up as he asked, "I'm assuming that you want notes from class?"

"Yes, if that's okay," he sighs, slightly surprised that Namjoon already seemed to know, he didn't think that the other paid that much of attention to him. Not to mention, he has seen Namjoon deny multiple of people before of any help, yet Jinyoung was sure that Namjoon would help him out, considering he has never had to ask for it before.

Dropping his pencil down, Namjoon pulled out a notebook from underneath his calculus binder add held it out, "Of course it is. Are you feeling okay?"

Accepting the notebook, Jinyoung flipped to the latest entry and began to copy things down, thankful for how neat Namjoon's note taking skills are. As much as Jinyoung too notes, his were hardly comprehensible, and often enough he had to rewrite them.

When he was done, he handed the notebook back to Namjoon while thanking him profusely, and left again, not wanting to stick around and bother him while he tried to do calculus. Checking the time, he still had just over forty five minutes until practices starts, and he felt his feet walking without his permission down to the arts hallway.

Like it often is, the door is open to the choir practice room, and Jinyoung could hear the piano followed by the strong and powerful voice of Youngjae, a boy that is in the same grade as Yugyeom and BamBam.

It wasn't creepy to sit out in this hallway and listen to him sing, Jinyoung told himself that every time he found himself doing it. This was merely the closest door to the soccer fields, and he is just waiting for practice inside, while just happening to overhear and appreciate the talent.

Okay so maybe it is a bit creepy.

And maybe the fact that he likes guys makes it just that much more creepier.

 

Hearing feet scuffing against the floors, Jinyoung looks up to see none other than Im Jaebum walking past, black string back pack tossed over his shoulders, and Jinyoung had to keep his mouth from falling open at the sight of him. Just when he thought Jaebum was going to walk into the next practice room, one of the dance rooms,  he tossed a look over his shoulder to make quick eye contact with Jinyoung before opening the wooden door just to have it swing sut behind him seconds later.

Releasing a breath that Jinyoung didn't real that he had kept pent in, he got up to his feet, picked up his bag, as he walked out to the fields, hoping that it was an acceptable time to begin heading out. Early, but hopefully not too early to where it was awkward, but acceptably earlier to where there may be a few others already hanging out around the fields.

When he got out to the field, it was fifteen minutes before practice starts, and just about half of the team were sitting out on the fields. Some talking to each other, while others were doing some basic warm up stretched. Walking by, he smiled at Jung Hoseok, as he drops his bag off at the unused bleachers where they all usually kept their stuff. well, it is mostly unused. That is where players sat if they were out or injured. It is also where their bags were obviously kept, and if any girls wanted to come watch, that is where they sit. Which, that isn't a thing that happens all of the time, but it still happens enough to the point where it is significant. And Jinyoung is sure that he is the only player on the team that doesn't get flustered when girls come to watch, but in retrospect, it makes a lot of sense as to why.

There was a whistle being blown, and without hesitation, Jinyoung began to jog out onto the field, everyone else following him as the beginning of their practice began.  


***

 

Practices always get out at, or at least around, seven o'clock. Sometimes practice went into over time if they needed the work, or if they were all just really into it. Sometimes, if it was an easier day, then they were all just let out earlier at around six thirty (those were always Jinyoung's favorite days) but of course, he didn't mind any of the others either.

Today was one of those days that they got let out on time, and Jinyoung was standing near the bleachers, wiping his hair out of his face, where the sweat was making it stick to his face. His water bottle was long by empty now, and he shook his head, for as long as he has been in soccer, one would think he would know to bring more by now, but he still hasn't learned. Not even bothering to change, knowing that he would just change and shower once he got home before dinner at eight thirty, he put his bag on and began walking away, waving a quick goodbye to Taeil, before setting off to his house.

It was times like this when he was walking out, that he wished that he had music he could listen to, or perhaps a camera. It still wasn't at the point where it was dark at seven p.m. but it also wasn't still daylight out yet. His favorite time was the in between, where it was the soft glow of the in between.

He had made it just to the crossing light about a block away from his school when a car pulled up net to him. The window rolled down, and it was Mr. Kim. "Hey, Jinyoung, do you want a ride?"

Instantly Jinyoung was raising his hands and shaking his head, "Oh no it's okay, I can walk."

"I insist," he smiled. "You worked really hard and I know that you have had a lot going on lately."

And so, Jinyoung had relented, not thinking anything of it.

He wonders what would have happened if he didn't get into that car, if he would have been firm on no and just walked home. Sometimes he would wonder if it would have made any difference at all.

Mr. Kim had driven him home before, so Jinyoung didn't find any important in telling him directions, until they pulled down a street that he knew wasn't on the way to his house, because one of his moms friends used to live somewhere down here, and they used to go to her stupid candle parties.

He pulled into a house, and kept the car in park, and Jinyoung turned to look at him, confused as to why they were stopping. Did Mr. Kim need to run an errand real quick? If that was the case, why didn't he just say something to Jinyoung about it already?

A hand was being placed on his knee, and that was enough to startle him enough into nearly jumping, his blood pressure already increasing. Something wasn't feeling right to him, but he couldn't place what. But he new it was enough to make his stomach start churning. He wants to say something, but Mr. Kim's seat belt is off and he is leaning over closer, "You know I like you Jinyoung."

Mr. Kims other hand was coming over and unbuckling his seat belt, and Jinyoung felt frozen like a wall as he just sitw there staring at him, unmoving, unblinking, and not saying a single thing. Seconds later there was a pair of lips on his, and Jinyoung's only kissed a handful of people in his life, all at random parties or get togethers, but nothing had even been too serious, and had never been like this.

With those he knew where it would begin and end, with this he didn't.

Sometimes, when Jinyoung was younger, he would think about what losing his virginity would be like. Ever since he could remember, despite being told it would be with a girl, he never thought of it like that, or at least, the idea didn't seem exciting. But then, he had slowly begun to realize. He had always imagined it, when he would even dare to let himself imagine it, that it would be with a guy that he really liked, dare say even love, with a guy that understood him. Perhaps he was a bit of a hopeless romantic as he expected it to come after a major event, like a love declaration and for there to be roses and all the works done. From everything he has heard, read, and seen, he imagined it to be this beautiful and amazing feeling.

He never would have thought that it would be with his teacher and coach in his car, where it wouldn't be good at all. Afterwards, it was silent, Jinyoung sitting there in the passenger seat as Mr. Kim actually drove him home this time.

It was well past night now, and Jinyoung was afraid to look at the time, afraid to hear what his parents would say. They parked in his driveway, and he worked fast to get out of the car, but one word stopped him and practically paralyzed him.

"Jinyoung." He turned to look at Mr. Kim, a twisted feeling in his gut, and Mr. Kim was giving him a serious look, the kind he would give when reprimanded students who were acting out of line. "Don't tell anyone about this okay?"

"Of course," Jinyoung whispered voice raw. Why would he ever tell anyone about something like this? Not like he even could say it, if there even was anyone.

"Now get inside so you can get a good night of rest."

Not saying another word, Jinyoung got out of the car, closing the door behind him, back pack over his shoulder feeling like the physical weight. He opened the door and seconds later he heard a call from his mother, "Jinyoung? Is that you?"

He did the walk of shame, from the door way where he kicked off his cleats, and to the kitchen, where both of his parents and one of his older sisters were sitting, waiting.

"What do you think you're doing back so late young man?" she instantly began scolding him. "And still in your soccer clothes. It's past nine at night. Go wash up and get back down here for dinner, and I don't want to hear any of your excuses."

"Yes ma'am," he bowed his head before turning away to practically run up the stairs. His body was practically begging him for a shower, to clean himself, but for a warm one, because he hurt. But should he really be even feeling like this? It was Mr. Kim.

Sighing, he stripped out of his clothes and threw them in the dirty laundry bin and jumped in the shower, not even minding that it was still cold. Turning the knob, he felt as the water shifted over to boiling hot and he left it there as he began washing up, use his body soap to rub against his skin.

By the time he got out of the shower, his body was successfully red, and he toweled himself off and put on pajamas and raced down stairs, pretty much expecting to get yelled at yet again.

Surprisingly, his parents didn't say another word about it, only managed to make comments about the food being cold. His sister was unusually quiet, and he could feel her looking at him, and so he kept looking at his plate.

He just wanted dinner to be done so that he could go to bed and get some sleep, maybe in the morning he wouldn't feel so awful.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long time since an update, i try to usually update chaptered fics almost weekly that's what i did with tmylm(eiif) and i am going to try and do that for this too !!!

Waking up the following morning, Jinyoung found that he still didn't feel any better. 

He had to practically rip himself away from his bed, and he felt barely even present as he put on his clothes for the day, brushed his hair and then his teeth, and then made sure his bag was all packed. He felt as if he was Atlas as he managed to bring himself down stairs, to where his mom was sitting at the kitchen table with food set out. He knew that his father had to be getting ready, and that it would be a miracle if his sister was even up yet considering that she never got up any earlier than seven unless absolutely necessary. 

Greeting his mother, he sat down and made himself a quick plate of food to eat before school as he always has done, but no matter how much food he put on it for himself, or what it was, he didn't feel like eating it, only getting not even a couple of bites in before deciding he didn't want to eat it anymore. But he ended up forcing himself to eat anyways because he just knew that if he didn't, his mother would not only chastise him but throw a fit over it. She'd whack him upside the head and remind him of the starving children in Africa and how he should be grateful, and that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. 

Walking to school however, made him feel somewhat more peaceful. Walking somehow always made him feel better, it always managed to calm him down. Especially in the mornings, there is something peaceful about all of it, light traffic, the only noise really coming for the birds chirping. 

Once he got to the school, he went through the main doors, and didn't even get to make it to his locker before BamBam and Yugyeom were at his side. And it wasn't as if he didn't want to see his two best friends, because he does, but a huge part of him also just doesn't feel like dealing with their high energy right now. You would probably think that it being morning would deter them from being like this, but sadly, it wasn't. 

"Algebra is so hard," Yugyeom whined like a little baby as they followed Jinyoung to his locker. "Jinyoung you have to help me, please? I'll buy you dinner. If I end up failing, you know they will never let me to the Varsity team next year." 

"Sure Yugyeom," Jinyoung shrugs as he dumps his books into his locker and hangs his bag up and his coat. 

Sighing, BamBam leans up against the lockers next to Jinyoung, literally needing to be asked to move just seconds later by a senior, leaving him to round on the other side of Jinyoung. "I just wish that we made Varsity this year, it's so boring not only being on JV, but having soccer be in the Spring. Plus, no one cares about JV." 

"You'll make it next year," Jinyoung reassures them as he closes his locker and they begin to head down the hall to the cafetria to get breakfast. They've had this conversation several times before this year already, but that doesn't stop them from having it yet again. "You have to think, there is so many phenomenal players on Varsity, many who are actually currently being scouted, others who want to go to college for soccer and have killer scholarships, and there's even a few who are shooting for the Olympics. So really, there's nothing wrong with being on JV." 

"Like how you're one of the ones being scouted," BamBam points out as they walk down the steps to get into the cafeteria. 

Jinyoung only shrugs again as an answer as he sets his first hour binder down and followed suit. When he didn't get back up, Yugyeom and BamBam shared a quick look using their combined brain cell to communicate something before walking away and heading into the lines to get breakfast sandwiches. He saw them whispering to each other and even not so subtly glanced his way, but they came back and sat down, both still giving him odd looks, "So like, you're not eating?" 

"I'm not hungry," he brushes it aside, watching as they still give him a weird look as if they don't believe him. He understands why, he always eats breakfast at home and then at school as well, and it makes him feel like he needs to get a better excuse because that clearly won't appease them. But he shouldn't even have to be coming up with a lie to his friends, why is he even letting this affect him so much? "I think I'm coming down with something." 

"Coach won't be too happy about that," and Jinyoung has to fight off a cringe, and ends up nodding stiffly instead. "Drink some tea." 

They spent the rest of their time at breakfast talking, about anything and everything really, the two of them bouncing between conversation topics like crazy. Jinyoung spent the majority of the time staring down at the table and cursing himself out for feeling so out of it, only ever really speaking with short answers. Eventually the bell rang letting them know that there was only five more minutes until it was time for first hour to start, and like autopilot, Jinyoung got up and followed them to the trash can. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Yugyeom places a hand on his shoulder and looks down on him since he was taller than Jinyoung was ever since they had met. "You weren't even staring at Jackson." 

Squinting, Jinyoung pulls away, annoyed that that is what Yugyeom chooses to point out. "I don't stare at Jackson, and I'm fine Yugyeom." 

Before anything else could be said about anything, he stored away, just about running to his first hour class. The class was just about full when he got there, and he took his spot that left him tucked away in the corner of the class. He knew that he hadn't been doing too good these past few weeks, but there was a little feeling in his gut warning him that things are just about to get even worse. 

It took until lunch for him to finally come to the conclusion that he didn't really feel like going to practice tonight. But he doesn't really know what to do about that. He couldn't just skip practice and say nothing, that would get him in trouble with several people, Mr. Kim, his parents, and the office, which he can't risk all of that. But what else could he really do? Say that he was sick? Mr. Kim would probably begin to know that it was something else entirely, and he doubted that his parents even cared about that. They still made him play that one game freshman year, even though he was literally puking before it began and then spent the rest of the night afterwards in the bathroom puking until there was nothing left and he ended up dry heaving then. 

It is as if he is just stuck. 

So he just would have to deal with it, even though he seriously doesn't want to. Doesn't know how to even begin dealing with it. He doesn't want to see Mr. Kim, he knows that. Every time that he even begins to think about him, or about last night, he gets this sick twisting in his stomach that leaves him feeling uneasy. He didn't want it but... shouldn't he have wanted it? Why did Mr. Kim have to do this now? Had he always wanted to do it? Why didn't he ever ask? Why didn't he bother to ask last night? But... if he would have asked, would Jinyoung have even said yes? Was it because Jinyoung came out to him? Would it have even happened if Jinyoung just kept quiet, or if Jinyoung just wasn't gay? 

Growing frustrated, he stood up from the table where he always sat alone because scheduling and the counselors hate him, so he doesn't have lunch with either Yugyeom or BamBam, and he stalks away, dodging the teachers that were meant to make them stay in the lunch room to prevent students from skipping. It never really worked, because students end up skipping anyways.

There was only about five minutes left to lunch anyways, and he just wanted to be by himself for those last few minutes, to pull away and tell himself to calm down again and that this really isn't that big of an issue as he is making it out to be. It's a normal thing, people do this all of the time, and he's just being over dramatic, something that his father has pointed out that he tends to do many times before. That's all this is. 

He slows down as he gets to his locker, and he stands there just staring at his locker for several seconds. The bell rings, and the halls are filled with the sounds of loud chatter, and it takes until the girl on his right starts opening her locker for him to snap out of his trance. Opening his locker, he continues on as if nothing was happening and grabs everything that he needs for his next class and then begins to walk to it. 

*** 

By the end of fifth hour, Jinyoung really didn't even want to go to sixth hour either. He walked at an incredibly slow pace in the hallways just to be able to stall time, so much so that students pushed past him while scoffing and the select few extra pissy ones actually making offhand comments. It even took him several tries to get his locker to open, he somehow managed to keep messing up his password. But once he did get it open, he grabbed his binder and textbook out at the pace of a snail. Finally, he has to bring himself to take those last few steps into his class, because his locker just happened to be in the same hallways as Mr. Kims room. 

Walking in, he keeps his head hung down low as he enters with the streams of other students, and takes his seat down right next to Izzy, who was already there. Mr. Kim is there too, sitting in his chair behind his desk, and he's already looking at Jinyoung when he looks up and they make eye contact, and the only thing Jinyoung can think about his last night when Mr. Kim had told him to stop crying. 

The ringing of the bell was sharp and shrill to the ear and it made Jinyoung snap his eyes away from Mr. Kim to stare at the whiteboard in front of all of them. 

Jinyoung had spent that entire lecture doing absolutely nothing else but focusing on making sure that he gets all of the notes. Partially because of the other lessons he had tuned out and missed, but also because he honestly is afraid of what would happen if he didn't keep himself busy, if he didn't keep his mind occupied. It had to be what felt like the longest class period of his entire life, somehow beating out exam periods (which were always two hours.) 

By the time that the sixth hour bell began to ring, signaling that school is finally out, Jinyoung is more than glad to stand up fast and grab all of his things and make a literal dash for the door. Another student approached Mr. Kim anyways, asking about a missing assignment, and he is more than grateful at getting the opportunity to slip out of the door with all of the other students. 

He wanders then, down several more feet to his locker, and drops off his binder and to grab his bag, and by the time that he's done, he goes out to the main hall where hardly anyone else is left besides the rare other slow pokes. Usually he would be changing into his practice clothes just about now, but looking at the bathroom, he hummed before turning the other way deciding that he would just do it later. 

So he let himself walk in the complete option direction towards 'A' hall where it is unusually quiet for this time after school, that is until he gets in front of room twenty three, and he stops as he peers in. Im Jaebum is in there, blasting his hip hop music as he danced to the beat of the song. 

There's something that Jinyoung finds memorizing in watching Im Jaebum danced, he's really good at it. Not that Jinyoung really knew all that much about dance, but from what he has seen before, and the fact that he has eyes, Jaebum always looks so good while dancing. It is clear that he puts so much heart and soul into his dance, and he moves always end up being some R&B style, along with some b-boy moves and hip hop, and he somehow always made sure that all of these styles flowed together cohesively (and when Jaebum did a b-boy move and his shirt rose up partially to expose his stomach, Jinyoung definitely never stares.) 

  In that moment of him drifting off into space and thinking, Jinyoung completely failed to realize that the music wasn't playing anymore, or that a sweaty Im Jaebum who has his arms crossed over his chest, and is currently stalking his way over to him with only several long strides. "What do you want?" he asks, voice harsh and eyes squinting with accusation. 

If only Yugyeom and BamBam were here to laugh at him right now. They'd love it. 

"Oh uhm-" Jinyoung starts to stumble on his words, not quite knowing what to say, though he does know that is face is probably turning bright red right now, he can feel it. His brain to mouth filter had always been shady at best, but in this moment it decided to completely fail him and before he could even stop himself, or at least take a second to think of what he is about to say, or to even think about something better, he is blurting out, "You're really good." 

That comment seemed to be enough to make Jaebum back off, at least a teeny bit. His defense seems to fall and he moves out of the hallway and back into the room, almost as if he is inviting Jinyoung to come in after him, "So, you dance?" 

"Oh uh no, actually-" he scratches the back of his neck as he walks in right after Jaebum, hoping that he read the older boys actions right. "I play soccer. I'm on the Varsity team."

"Soccer?" Jaebum questions as he gave Jinyoung what has to be a blatant check out, that has him giving a full once over that made Jinyoung shift on his feet. "You look more lean, as if you would be on track." 

With his face undoubtedly beat red by now, he glanced over to the clock on the wall just to give himself something else to focus on, "I mean, I guess I do a lot of running in soccer. I mainly play goalie though." 

"You're the goalie," Jaebum repeats hand coming to cup his own chin. "That's interesting." 

His tone isn't mocking, or one of disinterest either it was just honestly extremely vague. There appeared to be no further indication whatsoever about how he feels about this whole conversation, and if he even really cares to know about Jinyoung's athletics. 

As if that is really enough to keep Jinyoung from talking though. Sometimes if he is nervous enough, he'll just start talking to fill the empty silence, "What can I say? I'm too rough to play field." 

"Have you ever considered football then?" Jaebum gives him a certain kind of look, his hand still cupping his chin. "There's lots of tackling going on there. I heard lacrosse gets pretty violent too, the girls team is actually insane. Or if you really wanna go at it, how about wrestling?" 

Was he trying to persuade Jinyoung to join another sports team? To recruit him, or is he somehow trying to get him to change his mind on soccer? With a slight frown caused by the confusion, he sits his bag down on the nearest chair, a small plastic one that looks extremely uncomfortable and he feels bad for whoever has to sit in that, "My shoulders are too small for football. Not that you really needed to know that I'm most insecure about my shoulders." 

That only made Jaebum give him yet another once over that had Jinyoung playing with the hem of his t-shirt out of pure nerves, "What's your favorite then?" 

"My hears," he finds himself admitting. 

"They're big," and at that, Jinyoung's heart drops and he is just about seconds away from picking up his bag and bolting out of the door. But then Jaebum started to continue, "But they're cute." 

_Did he just call my ears cute_? Knowing that he had to at least say something though, rather than just standing there like an idiot because _holy shit Im Jaebum just said my ears are cute_ , he says the first thing that he can think of, "It's all the better to hear you with my dear." 

Once he said that, Jaebum cracks a smile and seems to completely relax from before, "So what are you doing down here then?" 

Jinyoung shrugs, "I'm just waiting for practice to start, and sometimes I come down here to wait. There's always someone practicing something, and I think that's pretty cool. Like there's the band kids, the color guard, the choir kids, art students, and well," he gestures towards Jaebum, "there's beautiful dancers." 

After he says that, Jinyoung feels how his neck must be getting red again. Did he seriously just not only admit to watching Jaebum dance before, but also called him beautiful? Dear god. 

But Jaebum didn't seem phased by it, and if he was, he at least didn't show it, "You can stick around then if you want, I'm going to be here for awhile." 

"Oh no, I don't want to impose," Jinyoung already feels as if he has been imposing for too long now, and he reaches out to grab his bag. 

Jaebum reaches out, his fingers brushing against the top of Jinyoung's hand, "I'm asking you to stay." 

Shutting up then, because what was he going to do, say no? He sits down on the floor, watching as Jaebum stands there. He turns the music back on again, and Jinyoung watches as he begins dancing with the beat, and his body moves do fluently, and it made Jinyoung wonder if this is choreographed, or if perhaps he is just so god that he can free style like this. Either way, it still made Jinyoung respect him. 

And Jinyoung has already known that Jaebum has a tendency to go long periods without taking a break, because he gets to be in his own little world while dancing, and Jinyoung honestly understood that. But right now, sitting so close while watching him, he feels as if he is included in that world too. 

It isn't until Jaebum finally decides to take a break, and Jinyoung takes his eyes off of him for the first time since he began dancing, and he looks at the clock to find that the peaceful world they had so carefully built starts to shatter around him, reality setting back in. 

It's three fifty eight, and soccer starts at four. 

And suddenly- it's as if he is Cinderella, and the magical night he had built is gone now, reality coming back to him. Pushing up to his feet, he grabs his backpack, he hadn't even changed yet! "I'm so sorry, practice starts in two minutes, I lost track of time." 

He is barely out of the door when Jaebum is yelling out, "Wait!" Jinyoung pauses and turns around to look at him, wondering what he wants. "I don't even know your name." 

"It's Jinyoung. Park Jinyoung." 

Jaebum has a boyish grin on his face, "Im Jaebum." 

Jinyoung's heart is pounding as he practically throws himself into one of the stalls and begins stripping out of his clothes and tugging on his practice clothes. He has never been late to a practice before, and he can't believe that he was about to do it now. God, would Mr. Kim mind that he is a few minutes late? Because the clock reads four oh one and it's inevitable now. 

But that is enough to make him falter because are things different now? He doesn't know. Everything had been much more simpler before last night. Now, now he doesn't know. He doesn't seem to know anything, and Jinyoung isn't really a fan of not knowing things. He is rather keen on being in control. 

But with this he isn't. 

By the time he is out of the bathroom and speed walking as fast as he can without having Ms. Hayes coming out of her classroom to scold him for running in the halls, he tries to get to the fields. And when he glances at one of the clocks, his heart stops because it is now five minutes past four. 

Everyone is already out on the field by the time he makes it, and Jinyoung drops his bag off at the bleachers where a few freshman girls are sitting and talking, and they start to giggle upon seeing him, and usually Jinyoung would at least smile back and nod, but not today. 

Mr. Kim is standing there at the sidelines, his clipboard in hand, and not looking happy at all as Jinyoung finally begins to do the walk of shame from the bleachers and to where Mr. Kim is at, everyone on the field already busy doing warm ups that is being lead by Hobi. 

Jinyoung doesn't even want to look him in the eye, and so he walks up with his head down, also knowing very well what else this is a sign of; submission. 

"You're late," Mr. Kim states, saying the obvious. "That's not really like you Jinyoung, why are you late?"

His body feels so damn tense, but he isn't about to lie about why he is late, but he knows that he can never admit that about why he doesn't even want to be here at all. "I lost track of time, and I didn't realize until three fifty eight, and I still hadn't changed, but I tried to get here as soon as I could." 

And then another thought crosses his mind, would Mr. Kim do something else to punish him for being late? 

Mr. Kim is silent for several seconds, and giving Jinyoung a look that makes him squirm before he finally settles on, "Don't let it happen again, alright? Run a lap and then get on to doing warm ups with everyone else." 

Despite everything though, Jinyoung knows that he has to still try to remain normal. And so he bows, "Thank you." and takes off running, feeling the eyes follow him the entire time. 

Once he go to warm ups though, and once they got on to the main set, Jinyoung finally feels himself start to relax, because despite everything, soccer is still his favorite thing, and he enjoys doing it. When playing, nothing else is real to him. In those moments, he could just focus on soccer and only soccer. When he plays, he doesn't think about anything else. He doesn't think about his sexuality, his parents, his grades, or the newest, Mr. Kim. 

And Jinyoung loves playing goalie, but he also loves being on offense. There is very little things that can top the feeling of how it feels to run through the huddle of people, many trying to knock the ball away, but he manages to keep it, running as fast as he possibly can. There is the sweat running down his back, and his hair is moving with the wind, and he is finally near the goal, and Kai is screaming at him to kick the ball and so Jinyoung does, watching as the ball goes flying through the air, contrasting against the light blue and cloudless sky behind it, and as Youngjae dives to get the ball, but ultimately it is smacking against the net. 

It makes Jinyoung grin, knowing that he still has it. Besides him, Seungyoon is raising his fist for a bump, and Jinyoung accepts it. 

After practice, Jinyoung plops himself down on to the bleachers, and downs the rest of the water that he has. Members of the team all begin to filter out, some leaving in groups, others walking off on their own. After a few minutes, Jinyoung begins to walk out too, waving goodbye at the last few people who are waiting for their parents to pick them up. 

He knows Mr. Kim is still there, and that he has to stay there because it is school rules. Teachers, coaches, etc. aren't allowed to leave until all of the students are gone. Perhaps Niel's parents will be late getting him again, and Jinyoung could miss him completely. 

"Goodnight Jinyoung." 

Jinyoung turns around, and right there is Mr. Kim walking behind him. With a fake smile he nods, "Goodnight." 

He pulls on the straps of his backpacks, pulling it tighter and closer to his back, and he tries to use wider steps as he begins walking, the entire time chanting in his mind that he hopes Niel is still there. It isn't until he gets past the crosswalk without a run in with Mr. Kim that Jinyoung finally finds himself relaxing knowing that the chances of Mr. Kim getting to him now are extremely low. He is just a block away from his house after all. 

Or, there is the more hopeful side of Jinyoung's brain that hoped that whatever last night was, is just a one time thing. Jinyoung isn't sure that he could deal with it becoming a normal thing. 

He didn't fully relax though, until he is inside of his house and up in his bedroom. And since he is actually home on time for once, that left him enough down time to relax before dinner, and so he drops down on to his bed, letting himself get drowned by all of the blankets that he has. Which is a lot actually, because Jinyoung is rather fond of blankets and of being warm and comfy. 

Going over this day, he decides that it was ultimately a good one, besides when he was left to himself to over think. And as he starts to think about it, he talked to Im Jaebum, Im freaking Jaebum! Im Jaebum talked to him and even invited him to watch him dance. 

That made him smile as he clutches his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope y'all like the first chapter !!!


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